SicPix

bitchthirsty:

(This was my final paper for one of my classes. It was very last minute. Um. Yeah. I had talked to my professor. She ended up telling me to just go with my gut on it. This is what came out.)

     Sometimes I wish I were still stupid. Well, stupid is the wrong word. Wholly naïve may be a better way to put it. I miss the days when I could feel like I was interacting with a world that I thought valued my opinion, even though it never asked for it or took it into account. I miss having hope for world peace. I miss feeling passionate about movements. I miss wishing that I could have joined in on the protests in the 60’s. I miss the days when I really didn’t feel there was any difference in the treatment of men and women. I’m really mad at myself for missing that.

     This past year I was placed in a very bad, very unexpected situation. I didn’t realize it for the majority of it, but that lack of recognition is kind of the whole point of manipulation anyways. I was exposed to my closest interaction with real, big, scary, threatening sexism. And while I was naïve, I called that sexism love. I spent ten months in a manipulative, emotionally abusive, threatening relationship with a very scary boy. And I let that boy take my voice. I’m having a very hard time getting it back, which has not been helpful in any aspect of my life.

     Being a woman who now realizes that position that I was in, recognizing the theft of my opinions and ideas and political stance, I now see so much more. I see men more. I see boys more. I see women being placed as girls more, whatever that means. I see too much about gender and not enough about people. I was surprised and very sad that I saw the majority of it in a movement that I’d rooted for a few months at most. The Occupy movement.

    

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